The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award August 2010

This month with half the votes a clear winner shot ahead in the polls.

Little interest was shown for the NHS wasting money on hiring Buddisht monks to give staff “Happiness Courses”. They may even now be scheduling additional courses to cope with not winning this months award.

A mere second place was given to Austrian bishop Andreas Laun for suggesting that the “Love Parade” disaster was a punishment from God for the sins of it’s participants.

The winner this month however is another case of some of the religious amongst us targeting something else that children keep in their trousers. This time… their phones.

Reminiscent perhaps of how Santa Claus leaves notes for Children at Christmas, while eating and drinking the offerings lovingly left out by his believers… leaving half chewed scraps as evidence the next morning…. God has been phoning children  at St. Nicholas of Myra vacation bible school in North Dighton, Massachusetts.

One wonders if this would not be more awe inspiring if God did not have to communicate with the Matrix through phones like “The One” in the film. A voice manifesting itself from an area of thin air in the centre of the room might have been beyond the budget of the volunteers who saw fit to spend their money on a “Science Station” based on showing children how to draw circles.

God’s time however is limited and not everyone in the world will be receiving his phone calls and burning bushes are too passé. For this reason God saw fit to use his phone call to recruit children to preach in his name. “He told me to fish for people,” 8-year-old Noelle Nunes said, “and tell everyone about him.”



  1. Avatar
    vogelbeere September 03, 2010

    I agree that “God” phoning 8-year-olds is massively unethical. And bishop Andreas Laun is clearly a moron with an over-simplified notion of how the world works, and a concept of God that most theologians would find to be blasphemous.

    But Buddhist meditation has been shown, by actual psychological research, done by proper psychologists and reported in New Scientist (and presumably the relevant psychological journals) to improve health and happiness. So (assuming that the NHS were asking the Buddhist monks to teach meditation) there’s nothing wrong with that.

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    gazza September 03, 2010

    Absolutely sickening. Messing with kids’ minds.

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    Monado September 03, 2010

    Shades of Santas past. This helps, but there’s still more evidence for Santa than for God.

    By the way, it’s “its participants.” You don’t put an apostrophe into his or hers, do you>

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    Lenoxus September 03, 2010

    I find it almost impossible to imagine that actual Christians could be behind this. Wouldn’t they worry about the Real McCoy feeling less than flattered by the imitation?

    On top of that, how in the world do you get the kids to shift to a view whereby, for his own mysterious reasons, God doesn’t actually speak that overtly, except to schizophrenics?

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    Lauren Ipsum September 03, 2010

    What does god need with a starship, or a cell phone?

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    Ben September 04, 2010

    I can’t wait until the kids learn about this ruse! If we’re lucky, they’ll be the next generation of atheists.

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    Jim Phelps September 04, 2010

    Perfectly plausible that a superintelligent all-knowing being would constantly want his minions to be subservient and groveling to it. That makes so much sense. I wont even go into the logic of him putting us in a garden, designing us with curiosity, then damning us forever when we ate his special plant.

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    Green Eagle September 12, 2010

    “Perhaps we should give them a call, since we know they’re telephone savvy.”

    Perhaps God should give them a call. I expect he might have something to say to them.

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    James Smith April 25, 2011

    Is anyone here surprised that a demented, delusional theists would ignore the law, common sense, and even simple human decency in their sick attempts to brainwash children into their twisted ideology? It’s hardly the first time, is it?